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Glee vs. Freaks and Geeks…with booze.

The winner of  Teen Drama Dropout‘s 2nd matchup: Glee vs. Freaks and Geeks was decided this week, so naturally that means it’s time for more themed cocktails. Last week, I went classy with both The Roswell and The One Tree Hill. Sure, I could have gone with Everclear and Mountain Dew and gotten that same alien-slime green color for The Roswell. But I didn’t. I went with Green Chartreuse because, well, Everclear is disgusting. This week’s cocktail matchup was decidedly more lowbrow.

In the TV matchup, Glee never stood a chance against fan favorite Freaks and Geeks. Mine was the lone dissenting voice advocating for Glee. For the second week in a row, however, the underdog show has the favored cocktail. It’s probably not hard to see why.

For those of you unfamiliar with the show, Glee  follows the trials and tribulations of a high school show choir as they navigate their awkward teenage years by spontaneously bursting into song and dance. Glee kids being the lowest of the low in the social hierarchy means they get doused with slushies pretty much every day by the jocks and cheerleaders, so naturally the theme cocktail is slushie-based. It is also an homage to my own youth. One year in college, my best friend and I moved into an apartment across the street from a 7-11. Not only was it terrible amazing because it gave us 24-hour access to junk food, but it lead to the creation of our then-favorite alcoholic beverage, the “Ghetto Daiquiri.” Basically we’d walk over to the 7-11, buy a Big Gulp sized Slurpee, add vodka or rum or whatever we happened to have around, and drink it through a straw. Now that I’m an adult, I’ve made it more refined. Sort of.

The Gleek:

1 cherry Slurpee (or other preferred slushie brand and flavor)

2 oz vodka

1 chilled martini glass (or other fancy glass of your choice)

Pour vodka into a chilled glass. Top with slushie. Stir.

Slushie Cocktail

Don’t dump these on any Glee kids unless they’re over 21.

 

Freaks and Geeks follows the decidedly non-singing/dancing lives of the Freaks (stoners who hang out under the bleachers) and the Geeks (nerdy freshman boys who still have Star Wars sheets). This cocktail (if you can call it that) is a reference to my favorite episode, where the Geeks swap out a keg of real beer for a keg of fake beer at a party, and everyone gets fake drunk. This drink doesn’t actually taste good, but it might help you win all the games of quarters.

The Freaky Geek:

12 oz non-alcoholic beer

1 chilled pint glass (wide-mouthed mason jar preferred)

Pour non-alcoholic beer into chilled glass. Ditch the bottle immediately so nobody knows it’s fake beer.

Non-alcoholic Beer

When poured into a frosty glass, it almost looks like a legitimate beverage. Almost.

The Verdict: The alcoholic slushie won unanimously. It wasn’t really a fair fight, but then again, neither is life. Tune in next week when the Texas football players of Friday Night Lights take on the orphans in Party of Five in cocktail form. Cheers!

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Filed under Cocktail Recipes, Themed Cocktails

TV Night Theme Cocktails

Ok, confession time. I’m really into the ABC Family teen drama, Pretty Little LiarsI’m not alone in my addiction, however. My friends and I have a message thread exclusively devoted to talking about the show. Is it weird that a bunch of grown women spend so much time discussing a TV show about high school students? Possibly. Should we be doing more productive things with that time? Probably. But let’s not focus such trivialities, because group TV watching provides the perfect opportunity to try out new cocktail recipes.

We all started watching the series at slightly different times, well after the first season started, so up until now, our viewings had to happen via Netflix or Hulu somewhat guiltily while our significant others were either out of town or rolling their eyes derisively from the other room. This week was the annual Halloween episode, and just happened to coincide with all of us being caught up, so we could finally watch it all together. Needless to say we were excited. I decided to come up with some themed cocktails based on the four main characters, with some collaborative help from my new friend Kelly. Fun fact: Until last night, Kelly and I had never met in person, but we bonded immediately over email based on our mutual love of PLL, cocktails, and snarky commentary. If you’ve never watched the show, the descriptions of each cocktail might not be as funny, so you should watch all of season 1 as quickly as possible before trying any of these recipes. Or you could just make the cocktails, but you won’t enjoy them quite as much as we did. Here they are in all their glory:

THE HANNA MARIN
handful of mint leaves
1 teaspoon sugar
1/2 cup fresh watermelon
1 1/2 oz rum
juice of half a lime
club soda
muddle watermelon, sugar, lime juice and mint leaves in a tall glass
add ice, rum, and top with club soda
garnish with an umbrella and watermelon slice
Hanna Marin is a fashionista and lover of all things pink. She has a sweet tooth for both desserts and cocktails, but she’s weight conscious, so go easy on the sugar. Hanna thinks drinks taste better with a fancy garnish and a colored umbrella. The Hanna Marin takes longer to make than most cocktails, but Hanna knows she’s worth the wait.

Pink and sweet, kind of like Hanna. Fancy drink umbrella optional.

Pink and sweet, kind of like Hanna. Fancy drink umbrella optional.

 

THE ARIA MONTGOMERY
1/2 an organic grapefruit
7  organic mint leaves
1 teaspoon raw vegan sugar
6 oz champagne (preferably Aria brand)
muddle grapefruit, mint leaves, and sugar
strain into a champagne flute
fill with champagne
garnish with an organic mint leaf
Aria is a vegan. She is also a writer. She likes older men and fancy drinks. Her cocktail is simple, yet elegant, and of course, organic. Aria is also very tiny and doesn’t hold her liquor well. Her cocktail is champagne based, but you can always add a little vodka if you prefer a stronger drink. Aria would approve, as long as you use top-shelf vodka.
Classy and delicate, like Aria. Clandestine relationship optional.

Classy and delicate, like Aria. Clandestine relationship optional.

THE SPENCER HASTINGS
1 1/2 oz coffee liqueur
1 1/2 oz vodka
1 oz espresso
pour ingredients over ice, shake and strain into a martini glass
Spencer is so addicted to caffeine that she puts espresso in her cocktails. Spencer does not have time for frivolous things like muddled fruit or drink umbrellas. Spencer does not have time for more than three ingredients. This cocktail gets shaken vigorously, like Spencer shakes people down for information.
This cocktail, like Spencer, is not messing around. Drinking too many may lead to caffeine jitters.

This cocktail, like Spencer, is not messing around. Drinking too many may lead to caffeine jitters.

The Emily Fields
1 1/2 oz vodka
1 1/2 oz blue curacao
shake ingredients over ice and strain into a martini glass
After a shoulder injury put her on the sidelines, Emily is trying to see herself as more than just a competitive swimmer, but she would like nothing more than to sip a little pool water again.  She likes her drinks strong, so be careful not to wake up next to any open graves after trying her pool water inspired cocktail.  The Emily Fields is prepared by vigorously shaking the liquid ingredients with ice until well blended and cloudy, like Emily’s memory.
**SIDE NOTE: This was the one cocktail we didn’t make, mostly because nobody wanted to commit to buying (or drinking) blue curacao. We came up with a couple of alternatives for Emily’s theme cocktail: 1) Bud Light in a can, because Emily is by far the most boring character on the show. Also, ever since she came out to her parents, her wardrobe seems to consist entirely of sleeveless vests, most of them denim. 2) Bourbon straight from a flask, in homage to the episode where she lost her memory for awhile. If you are easily offended, please refrain from reading the caption in the next picture.
Emily drinking an Emily, complete with rolled up sleeves. Rufies optional. Too soon?

Emily drinking an Emily, complete with rolled up sleeves. Rufies optional. Too soon?

We made three of the four cocktails, and I don’t mean to toot my own horn, but “toot toot,” they were delicious. Much like the Liars themselves they are all very different, so pick your poison and happy mixing!

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Earl Grey Tea Vodka

Adding further evidence to my making-fancy-flavor-infused-booze-is-the-easiest-thing-ever theory, I experimented awhile back with infusing vodka with Earl Grey tea in an attempt to re-create a cocktail I had at the Bourgeois Pig in New York called the “Cold Toddy.” The name still doesn’t make sense to me, because Hot Toddies usually have bourbon or whiskey in them, not tea or vodka. In any case, it must have been seasonal, because it’s not on the menu anymore, but you should still definitely go there if you are in New York and want an amazing cocktail.

Right, back to the infusion. Here is how it works: take a 750mL bottle of vodka, pour it into a mason jar (wider mouth makes it easier to get the teabags in), add two bags Earl Grey tea (any brand), let sit for approximately 3 hours (the more time you leave them in, the more intense the tea flavor), strain if there are any loose tea leaves in the liquid, chill, and serve. Seriously, that’s all there is to it. You can drink it on its own over ice, or use it to make Cold Toddies (feel free to rename as you see fit):

2oz Earl Grey tea vodka

juice of one lemon

2 teaspoons honey

soda water

Shake honey, lemon, and vodka in a cocktail shaker, pour over ice, and top with soda water. Honey takes awhile to dissolve, so you’ll have to shake well. Garnish with a lemon twist if you want to get all fancy with it. Happy mixing!

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